He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
