Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
