u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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