Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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