"it" just moved
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
