Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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