I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
