I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
