It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
