Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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