You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
