This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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