So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm sobbing to NWA
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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