i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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