Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
