i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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