I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
