I am spending my child support on dildos
he shaved USA in his pubs
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
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