Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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