I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
