hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dear god my vagina.
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