the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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