I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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