Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
