My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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