when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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