Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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