I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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