it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
