Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
