There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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