Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
