when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
