Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
