I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
