Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
