I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
