guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
