god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
