im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
