Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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