I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
