K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
