i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
