YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
