just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
