So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
