your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
