Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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