I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
