does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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