I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
