Tell her she can't have a vagina
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
