Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
