for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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