NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
